(Quote in title is by David Jones).
Thank you for welcoming me back, I have taken a bit of a break from writing. And admittedly I missed it, terribly. So here I am.
Over the past month, things have been slowly building for me. I have set some intentions and embraced new opportunities. I have spent a lot of time with my family and abundance of friends, for whom I am truly grateful to have in this life.
Actually, I don’t think they realize just how much my heart gushes for every single one of them.
Since I began sharing my journey of self-discovery as a highly sensitive, empathetic person about a year ago, my personal growth has been rewarding. But it’s been difficult too. Combating my anxiety in certain areas of my life has been a challenge. Self doubt crops up now and again, and so does the overwhelm and fear that comes from being vulnerable and exposing who I am to the world.
But more than all these challenges combined, I feel like I have grown a new set of wings.
It is hard to share the fact that I am a sensitive person with the world sometimes. I worry about things like: “what if my employer or co-workers see me as weak or less capable or fit to do my job?” I have had some fears around telling new people that I meet about my work and the community I lead for highly sensitive people. “What if they don’t see the value in what I am doing?”
Just as I work to lift you all up to see the positive characteristic of being sensitive in this world, I struggle with it sometimes, too.
But I also love myself. I love the way I am and who I am. And I am no different from you all; I am sensitive, so sometimes I need to take breaks. Sometimes I have bad days and doubt myself. But this doesn’t mean that I will stop following my heart and my calling to help others. And as I continue to grow, I will be there for you with my writing. You are all a reflection of who I am, and your support and your feelings mean the world to me.
I have noticed that over the past year, my capacity to do what I love: to help others, to lift them up, to make them see their beauty and believe in themselves has widened – it has deepened. The joy I get from this has also grown. My heart could just burst when I witness others discovering their true power and the simple, utter beauty in which they are.
I believe this is a result of loving myself more, and getting to know more parts of myself; weeding through the dark yucky parts, facing the truths and realities that I have buried. Since I have spent more time and care and money on my mental and physical health than ever, I have also been able to find a partner whom I love on a level that I never knew existed.
I am making more careful decisions. There is always a grey area; something that I haven’t thought of before. My soul and my intuition are much better friends, and they are present in my everyday life.
But my capacity still has its limits. The delicate balance of a happy HSP’s life is fragile. It needs to be just right: enough love and friendship, downtime time, sleep, creativity, humour, passion, and sense of accomplishment on a perfectly balanced scale.
When I get busy, I tend to start putting others first and reverting back to my old habits of saying yes to too much. I had to cancel plans with two people this week which I absolutely hate doing, because I knew it was going to throw me too far off balance. The light in me would begin to die. Instead of enjoying the time spent with these people, I would feel flickers of frustration or resentment. Or I might have just broken down and cried – that is very possible, too.
I hope that my stories and accounts of personal growth inspire you, and motivate you to seek after whatever makes you burn and glow furiously inside.
We HSPs and empaths have a special gift because we often seek our desires out from a young age. We are intuitive and in touch by nature. We contemplate the meaning of life, and have depths inside of us that are as vast as the universe.
So keep exploring, keep being you.
With all my love,