Should you trust your thoughts… or your feelings?

Published in Happiness and Wellbeing Academy

“It all begins and ends in your mind – what you give power to has power over you, if you’ll allow it.” – Leon Brown.

It’s true – the human brain is an incredible organ that makes up our experiences; actually, it makes up our entire reality.

Kinda weird to think about, right?

I am reading a book right now written by a wonderful and hilarious Buddhist woman called Pema Chödrön. I am not necessarily a Buddhist myself but like all religions, I think that Buddhism shares concepts about the world and humanity that are extremely transcendent and universally true.

And, the three chapters I have read so far have all had to do with the mind. Our mind holds the ability to both trap us, and set us free. I have experienced times in my life that were full of worry and anxiety. I know all too well that debilitating cycle of thoughts that go around and around. You know – the ones full of uncertainly that consume you until you cannot make sense of what you really feel vs. what you think you feel …

That state is not a fun spot to be in, and it’s easy to feel helpless; but I bare good news, you can help yourself with the wisdom I am about to share.

Do you ever have thoughts pop into your head that make you feel terrible? Or confused? Do you ever think about the worst case scenario and let the frightened feelings those thoughts bring put a stop to your actions? Do you believe your thoughts enough to allow them to conjure your reality?

There is a pattern to the questions I just asked you. Your thoughts are creating your feelings in these situations.

Don’t listen to feelings that are born from your thoughts.

Thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t have any meaning unless we give them meaning, and they can cause you to feel things that aren’t true.

Let’s switch gears here to my second set of questions for you.

Do you ever look out at an open field and feel an overwhelming sense of freedom? Do you ever look at a puppy and feel giddy and playful? What about when you look into your lover’s eyes, do you feel butterflies? Attraction? Safety? Bliss?

The similarity between all of these questions is that they are examples of situations where feelings come before thoughts.

You don’t look at your mother and think “Oh, I love my mother” and then feel love, it’s the other way around. You feel first. All those feelings that come before thoughts are TRUE. Believe them.

And it’s as simple as that.

So again, the secret to remember about your feelings and thoughts is this: If the feeling comes before the thought, trust it. If your thoughts make you feel something, feel the feeling but then let it go, it doesn’t have to control your reality.

Love, Chelsie

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I write deep things while listening to top 40 pop hits

It’s true, I do. This morning I came up with the perfect topic for this blog post while listening to “Don’t let me down” by the Chainsmokers feat. Daya, and I was like, “Daya, you absolute gem! Thank you for inspiring me with that bridge you just owned, I know exactly what I’m going to write about now.”

One of the biggest internal struggles I have faced since beginning to share my thoughts and wisdom with the world is due to having somewhat of a black and white mindset. I have felt at points like maybe I am supposed to give up some of my old ways. Can I be a deep, reflective writer and still be the life of the party? Can I still be the silly one who is forgetful and makes all of her friends laugh and wonder why my hair isn’t lighter? 😉

Do I have to give up living the way I do, to become who I am becoming?

I’ve gone back and forth with this in my head; it has caused me anxiety because the idea of changing anything about they way I am now makes me feel sad. So why would I inflict this struggle upon myself?

Understanding that we always have a choice in how we feel is difficult to grasp, but once we do, it is incredibly freeing.

Even though I write deep things, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the world on a day-to-day level. I am a soul searcher and a dreamer, but I also enjoy the simple things in life; wine and really cheesy pizza, craft beer with my main squeeze, crude jokes, and ridiculous YouTube videos. I shop at Aritzia and I love top 40 pop music…especially Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber. Selena is pretty cool too.

One of the most beautiful things about deciding to live an authentic life is that you can choose what you fill it with. It’s never just black and white.

So who says I can’t live in this world and enjoy everything it has to offer, and still be deep and wise in my writing, too? The only person who tells me such a thing is me. So I am going to allow myself to have both.

I am choosing to embrace the newly expressed parts of me, without throwing out the old.

Thanks for reading again this week ~

XOXO, Love Chelsie

‘It is both a blessing, and a curse, to feel everything so very deeply’

(Quote in title is by David Jones).

Dear community,

Thank you for welcoming me back, I have taken a bit of a break from writing. And admittedly I missed it, terribly. So here I am.

Over the past month, things have been slowly building for me. I have set some intentions and embraced new opportunities. I have spent a lot of time with my family and abundance of friends, for whom I am truly grateful to have in this life.

Actually, I don’t think they realize just how much my heart gushes for every single one of them.

Since I began sharing my journey of self-discovery as a highly sensitive, empathetic person about a year ago, my personal growth has been rewarding. But it’s been difficult too. Combating my anxiety in certain areas of my life has been a challenge. Self doubt crops up now and again, and so does the overwhelm and fear that comes from being vulnerable and exposing who I am to the world.

But more than all these challenges combined, I feel like I have grown a new set of wings.

It is hard to share the fact that I am a sensitive person with the world sometimes. I worry about things like: “what if my employer or co-workers see me as weak or less capable or fit to do my job?” I have had some fears around telling new people that I meet about my work and the community I lead for highly sensitive people. “What if they don’t see the value in what I am doing?”

Just as I work to lift you all up to see the positive characteristic of being sensitive in this world, I struggle with it sometimes, too.

But I also love myself. I love the way I am and who I am. And I am no different from you all; I am sensitive, so sometimes I need to take breaks. Sometimes I have bad days and doubt myself. But this doesn’t mean that I will stop following my heart and my calling to help others. And as I continue to grow, I will be there for you with my writing. You are all a reflection of who I am, and your support and your feelings mean the world to me.

I have noticed that over the past year, my capacity to do what I love: to help others, to lift them up, to make them see their beauty and believe in themselves has widened – it has deepened. The joy I get from this has also grown. My heart could just burst when I witness others discovering their true power and the simple, utter beauty in which they are.

I believe this is a result of loving myself more, and getting to know more parts of myself; weeding through the dark yucky parts, facing the truths and realities that I have buried.  Since I have spent more time and care and money on my mental and physical health than ever, I have also been able to find a partner whom I love on a level that I never knew existed.

I am making more careful decisions. There is always a grey area; something that I haven’t thought of before. My soul and my intuition are much better friends, and they are present in my everyday life.

But my capacity still has its limits. The delicate balance of a happy HSP’s life is fragile. It needs to be just right: enough love and friendship, downtime time, sleep, creativity, humour, passion, and sense of accomplishment on a perfectly balanced scale.

When I get busy, I tend to start putting others first and reverting back to my old habits of saying yes to too much. I had to cancel plans with two people this week which I absolutely hate doing, because I knew it was going to throw me too far off balance. The light in me would begin to die. Instead of enjoying the time spent with these people, I would feel flickers of frustration or resentment. Or I might have just broken down and cried – that is very possible, too.

I hope that my stories and accounts of personal growth inspire you, and motivate you to seek after whatever makes you burn and glow furiously inside.

We HSPs and empaths have a special gift because we often seek our desires out from a young age. We are intuitive and in touch by nature. We contemplate the meaning of life, and have depths inside of us that are as vast as the universe.

So keep exploring, keep being you.

 

With all my love,

Chelsie xoxo

 

 

 

Life isn’t meant to be taken so seriously

I don’t know about you, but whenever I am reminded of this, I feel lighter and more relaxed inside. There is so much power in these words. My dad used to say it to my sister and I when we were kids. I loved to be reminded of it, especially when I was a teenager. Back then, one pimple could ruin my day! I can think back to so many times in my life where I was so consumed with something that was difficult, stressful or anxiety creating. I was hard on myself. “What if I don’t figure out what I want to do in my life by the time I am 25?” “I just stained my brand new white shirt when I spilled coffee on myself,” “That magazine I submitted my article to didn’t get back to me…”

The concept of not taking life so seriously might be tricky to understand sometimes too… especially for those of us who are naturally hard on ourselves. Where are my HSPs and empaths in the room?! I know most of you have been too hard on yourself at some point of your lives. 😉

Pushing ourselves to go far and succeed can get us places, yes, but what if we don’t meet the extremely high expectectations we have set for ourselves because, well, we are only human?! Too often, we turn a corner right into a snow bank of self doubting thoughts.

“Life isn’t meant to be taken so seriously….”

Give yourself a break. Life in this skin we are in is short and I don’t know about you, but I want to feel as happy and content as often as I possibly can. We are going to let others down in our lives, and we are going to wind up doing something or taking a turn that we didn’t plan for or expect.

But remember, you have the ability to feel the way you want to feel. I am really practicing that right now. The difference between then and now is that today, when I start going down a road of fear or doubt, when I start getting confused about what is next I remember that I have the power to go back to being happy again by letting go; getting back to the basics. Whatever it is that we want, we usually want it because we think it will make us feel good and happy. But if stressing about getting it is causing it to be “un-fun,” then we are missing the point.

So next time you are taking a matter REALLY seriously, ask yourself:  “Where was I, before I started feeling stressed and unhappy?” Your response will probably be similar to: “oh yah, I was living in the now, focusing on my life day to day and all the blessings it presents.” Remember how far you have come. Think back to all that you have accomplished. And don’t take what you don’t know or didn’t do so seriously…. It is all a journey that unfolds as we go.

Thanks for reading this week,

XO your fellow HSP, Chelsie

~Oh and thanks Dad, for telling me not to take life so seriously, and thanks to my boyfriend Matt for reminding me of it the other week when I really needed it hear it. ~

Get a grip, and it let go

Society tells us to chase after the things we want – to push for them and work towards them: “Set a goal, achieve it, next.” And gods forbid we fail… because that can come down on our self esteem like a ton of bricks.

Have you ever become so obsessed with a goal that it takes over your life, and you can’t get it out of your head? Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try for something it seems to slip farther and farther away? This is sign that sure, you are in a goal oriented head space as in… you’ll do anything for that…thing, you’ll KILL for it, but you’re probably not in the right what I call “heart space”.

If you’ve been chasing after something with your head in the driver’s seat and your heart locked in the back trunk, it might be time to step on the breaks.

Remember this quote? “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it’s meant to be…”

Get out of your head about that thing that you want, and go into your heart. Listen to it, what does your intuition say?

There is a very delicate balance to be had between actioning your goals, and setting intentions freely, letting them go so they can flow and grow organically.

This is  tough to do, and I have to consciously remind myself to do this daily, because I know that in the past when I have chased goals and got all caught up in my head about them (us HSPs can certainly slip into that mind trap of over thinking), my world gets crazy and out of balance and I tend to lose myself in the pursuit. I lose sight of what really matters. I find that I am unhappy, and even after getting what I wanted, I am still not satisfied.

When I chase goals with my heart, I am relaxed and content. I am open to the universe and I don’t miss anything that the tunnel vision of my mind might have blinded me from. I am also more ok with my path bending in ways that I did not plan for.

It is easy to loose touch with our heart space because the mind tends to over power, so we need to actively check in with ourselves when our head starts running and trying to control things.

So what I am saying is yes, you need to do the peddling and work towards what you want, but your heart should be doing the steering.

I challenge you to get a grip of your heart, and let go of your mind…. You’ll know what to do.

Thanks for reading my blog post this week! I have so much more in store for you on www.thesensitivetrait.com, and I deeply appreciate all of my followers and viewer’s support.

Until next time,

XOXO your fellow HSP, Chelsie

Keep your fear close, and your truth closer


I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day, and she used the term “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”  This friend of mine is a strong woman, and works hard at her career and her reputation so when she says something like this, she has my attention.

Her statement got me thinking about how I could relate this to my own personal journey. As I mentioned in my last post, I am currently reading The Desire Map, which has me thinking more than ever about feeling the way I want to feel.

And as you know, I am also an HSP, so I think very deeply and complexly about things and I am forever formulating different scenarios and ideas in my mind. This is my attempt to share some of them with you. Let’s have fun with it!

Ok, so bear with me and note this quote again: “keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”

Now let’s look inward. Let’s flip our perspective away from the people in our lives and look at our relationship with ourselves.

Let’s say that the term “friends” represent your truth, your happiness, and the parts of yourself that you can trust and that make you feel AWESOME. Does this mean that the term “enemies” could represent your doubts, your fears… and all those parts of yourself that you believe have the power to harm you?

I’m going to go with yes! (for the sake of the metaphor I am creating here). 😉

So why do we keep our friends close? We keep them close because they bring out the best in us, we enjoy life with them and have fun… we can rely on them and trust them, they add to us, fill us up. I think that’s why we want to live our truth as well, right? Because living our truth adds to our lives.

Now… why does this quote tell us to keep our enemies closer?! Responses will probably vary, but I think the purpose is to know our enemies so we can and understand them better, so we can be aware of what threats they might pose to us – so we can keep an eye on them, and be ready for them when they come. This gives us a better chance at outsmarting them.

I think this is precisely why we should know our own demons, and develop a relationship with our own fear.

Friends = Truth, Enemies = Fear

So, I say all the more reason to get closer… to both.

Maybe the harder of the two is getting to know your fears – but do – because sometimes your fears are what is stopping you from realizing your biggest truth. So I challenge you to get to know them; don’t cower away from the fear inside you. Explore it. And going into that, remember that you have control of how you want to feel. Always remember the light inside of you. But I urge you to be curious! What is that fear really about? It’s most likely there from memories and experiences in your past. But remember that today, those fears only have the control that you give them.

I am going to change the statement “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer” to “Keep your fears close, and your truth closer.” Live in your truth, but don’t ignore the fear, it is also a teacher, your asset. Get to know fear so well that it no longer threatens, because you can see through it to the other side.

Thanks for reading this week. Presenting this metaphor was a great challenge for me, and I hope that it made some sense to you! As always, feel free to reach out to me in a private message or in a comment to continue this conversation. Truth? Fear? You’ll get the most out of life when you know them both within you. ❤

Xo your fellow HSP, Chelsie

So slap me silly, it’s all about how we feel (before others tell us so)

And then, right then when my intuition told me that I had read enough about setting goals from the heart for the day, I set The Desire Map down, and laid back in my chair to bask in the warm sun shining through the airplane window.

Moments later, on that pleasantly empty Air Canada flight, It hit me. No, it resonated with me. It penetrated so deep that I finally GOT it.

Oh my god, our entire culture is set up so that humans can seek affirmation, happiness, success, and acceptance through OTHER PEOPLE’S perceptions. The thought of putting this kind of power in other people’s hands, so that they can tell us whether we are worthy – sexy, hot, pretty, cool, successful, smart, happy is utterly appalling to me suddenly. How can we be so stupid? How can we be so foolish?

Happiness and acceptance does NOT come from impressing others, from looking good for others, from seeming cool to others, it comes from feeling these things about our selves. Danielle LaPorte, author of the Desire Map said “I’d rather feel beautiful than look beautiful.” Amen!!!! But for many of us, (myself included) we’ve been brainwashed to feel beautiful when others think we look beautiful, (or cute or stylish or fit or whatever).

Wrong, wrong, wrong! Why are we spending more time pleasing others than ourselves? How nice of us! To worry and try so hard to make others see us in such a high regard. But what is the point if we don’t see it ourselves. We are not living for others, we are living for ourselves! (Of course, we live for our children and those we love most as well, but not in the same way – I think you know what I mean).

So how to change this way of being? I often ask my boyfriend if I look pretty (even though I know he thinks I do). But somehow I need to hear it, to be sure.

Like Danielle, I would much rather feel pretty first, and look pretty second! Because in the end that’s what it’s all about, right?

Feeling good.

We are all working hard on this planet to feel good, every day. Feeling good from within ourselves could be so easy, but god damn, society makes that hard! We will never be good enough for our audience: aka the whole wide world, because we could always chase more, be thinner, own more things, live somewhere else, want longer hair, wish we made more money, wish our power suits would transform us, but happiness can only be found within ourselves.

The point is to FEEL beautiful, rich, happy, free, in love, without others showing us we are, first. Who cares what anyone else thinks. After all, we are the ones who we are going to live with and spend every second with and die with, not those other people we try and prove ourselves to.

So start right now. From today onward, live for you. It’s all relative – everything – to how YOU feel.

 happy 1 happy 3 happy 2
(Just some more happy pictures to keep you smiling!)
XO your fellow HSP, Chelsie